current New Year's resolutions for 2014:
- make better lists.
- actually edit & post up entries for 2013.

I generally limit sad/depressing/negative posts on this blog.
Mostly because I feel the world is saturated with enough of those.

Late Fall of 2010 was the start of a 6 month period where I averaged a death of someone close to me every two weeks.
Family, extended family, mentors, kids I've mentored, & co-workers.
All people that made a meaningful impact to my life & helped shaped me into the person I am today.

I mention this because I feel I might be in the middle of another time period like that presently.
Whether it's disease, accidental, something that could've been prevented, or even outright stupidity.
It still, for lack of better description, sucks to deal with.

The adversity has made me a stronger person.
I've learned to focus on the good memories & to make sure that I provide an outlet for all of the emotions that hit me.
Quick thanks to prose, music & fried chicken..

I just find myself frustrated at the moment.
Frustrated that I can't afford to head up the funeral this weekend.Frustrated at how I actually have a routine when it comes to memorial services.

Frustrated at how pride can be so damaging at times.
Frustrated at law enforcement.
And generally just frustrated that so many good souls have been taken.
The majority of them were just starting to hit their prime.

So yea, this is pretty much a stream of consciousness post.
If there's a point to this post, it's that I sincerely hope that the people I've become close with over the years please refrain from dying anytime soon.
Otherwise I'd have to resurrect you just so I can kill you for causing sorrow to your loved ones.
It'd be inconvenient really.
Be more considerate of others.

Whether the end of a relationship or the end of a person's time on this planet, this song will always resonate with me.



R.I.P. Joe
One of the good souls.

For now, I keep my thoughts & pain to myself as I adjust to the news.
While I am a veteran of losing people close to me, any prodding into my thoughts at the moment will only lead to rage.
I will note that I have one more reason to dislike law enforcement officials.

Selfish

I am absurdly selfish.
If only because I want you.

I want you to know that you have an amazing ass and it's a shame you have to sit on it.
I want to admire your insides like it's the Vatican.
I want to say "hi" to whatever it is that's hiding behind your zipper.
I want to spend your next day off getting you off.
I want to start by passionately kissing your lips and then move up to your belly button.
I want to put my thingy into your thingy.
I want to spit in your cave.
I want to attempt pregnancy with you and fail repeatedly.
I want you to go down on me like gravity.
I want to make a mess in your mouth.
I want you to know my motives go beyond the physical.

I want to thank whatever motivated two people to become horny and produce you.
I want a pet penguin.

I want to know the name of this land-locked diety before me.
I want to get your number so I can send you random text messages.
"random"
send.
I want you to know that I have a playful personality.

I want the only problem my eye to ever face is you stuck in it.
I want to pick up a GPS device so I can be okay when I get lost in your eyes.
I want to know if Google Maps has directions to your heart.
I want to be a well of never-ending happiness that you can draw upon.
I want you to be the woman that's the beginning & the end for each chapter of my remaining life.

I want good things to happen to good people like you.

If anything... this is my hand.
I want it to shake yours and get to know you better.

Because I'm selfish.

you made me cry.
you made me laugh.
you made me cry.
you fostered my love for the NFL.
you taught me the finer nuances of fried chicken.

R.I.P. Uncle Harry.

you made me cry.
you will be missed.

You & I

You have teeth.
You are of legal age in the state of California.
You were genetically born a female.
You can appreciate & understand my sense of humor.

You are pretty... like REALLY pretty.
You are like a bad case of steph throat...
You leave me almost speechless.

You are the 99% that occupies my thoughts.
You are the reason I put pen to paper.

You should have a disease named after you because your smile is infectious.
You make me want to be the main reason for that smile.

You are making some divine power hate itself for letting you go.
You make me say/think silly things.

You are better than the woman of my dreams.
You are real.

You make me want to put my arms around you...
so I can feel how big my universe is.

You must be the new flavor of oxygen.
I want to breathe you in & make you a constant part of my life.

You make a guy that friends claim has the "gift of the gab" completely tongue-tied around you.
I am content with sitting next to you.

We should do more than that though.
We should be acting on this mutual interest that everyone else sees.
We should be treating each other to a love that we both deserve.
We should be best friends.
We should be partners in crime.
We should be fighting over what to watch first on the DVR.
We should be sharing experiences together.
We should be finding that each new moment together is THE highlight of our life.

We should be working on a one life stand.
We should...
We should just end this poem and get started on that.

-----------------------------------------

Semi-rough cut.
I kinda want to add a couple more You & I segments, but I feel like this gets the job done as a companion piece to I & You.

Questions? Comments?
There's a lil' hyperlink at the bottom of each post that you can use to leave your thoughts.

Plan is to start posting at least one piece a month.
Will this finally be the time my expectations finally meet up with reality?
Who knows?
Stay tuned folks.

I & You

I have skydived.

I have bungee jumped.

I have tried a deep fried stick of butter.

I am a survivor of rush hour traffic in LA & Manilla.

I survived growing up a middle child.

I have even survived an attempt on my life after telling a woman:
"Yes. Those pants do make your ass look big."

I have performed on Broadway, Carnegie Hall, & the Sydney Opera House.

All to standing ovations.

I have seen my writings published, translated into different languages, & used to change lives for the better.

I have received a Nobel Peace Prize.

I set it on the shelf alongside my Pulitzer, Grammy, & Tony award.

I average a quadruple double whenever I step onto the basketball court.

I bat a perfect 1.000
I am the definition of a shutdown corner.

I am the attention grabber that Superbowl commercials aspire to be.

I hate Eli Manning.

I am not related to the most interesting man in the world.

I am the Top Iron Chef.

I am a James Beard recipient.

I have managed to keep my major sweet tooth in check & avoid diabetes.

I taught penguins how to surf.

I taught Corgis how to hack computers.

I don't have allergies.

One would hear about all these accolades & accomplishments & think that I've lead a happy, complete, fulfilled life.

One would be wrong.

Because all of these things pale in comparison with this simple fact:
You are not a part of my life.

We should change that.

--------------------------------------

I've been wanting to expand on this.

Start writing more about "You".

But I really like the way I end this piece.

What do you think?

I'm edging closer towards 400 posts here.
Should that mean anything to me?
Nope.
I'm pretty confident I went over that threshold awhile back.
I've gone through an' cleaned house here a few times.

So yea!
I feel like I should be posting here more often.
Problem is, I always end up in the dreaded editing process.
Which is more or less the result of my writing process.
I tend to be segmented in my writing.

Huh?

Because of my mind's tendency to be active, I tend to get hit by multiple topics at the same time from one inspiration.

Take out my notebook, jot the ideas down, hope that I can remember my line(s) of thought when I can actually sit down to write.

Let me attempt to illustrate an example by showing you one of the pieces I've been working on:

Foolish (Tentative Title)

I look at you.

Then you look at me.

An awkward silence falls.

Will this finally be the day

That we go and say what we feel?

One can only hope that it's so.

You'd think that after so long

We'd finally get it right

From one fool to another

What are we doing here?

Do you think we're living happy

In a different lifetime?

I think of you day and night

When I'm with you it all feels right

I can only hope that you feel the same as I do.

Regrets are luxurious

Of those I am rich.

--------------------------

In theory, you can grasp the general feel that I'm aiming towards with this piece.
At this point, I see it as a club sandwich.
Got the bread and the trimmings, but I've only got one layer of meat.

Fool to fool.
That's the thought that had me start writing this piece.

You know the types: two people that seem great for each other but never do anything about it.
So I started with that line/stanza/verse an' have been building around it ever since.
Sporadically.

Again, I tend to get hit by many ideas/inspirations so I tend to lose focus because of all the different projects/pieces I have going.
Generally, I'll go through my works in progress, say "oh! that's nice.", then add one more segment to it.
I'll also have a tendency to come up with something I consider a gem.

Such as the last part of this particular piece.

It may/may not have been inspired by the original thought of the piece.
I find that I want to use it though.
So I'll put in extra time trying to integrate it in a way that makes it natural.

That last quirk of mine is usually why I spend so much time editing.
Just for funsies, look back on my previous posts an' try to spot the "gems" that took time away from life.

I hope you enjoyed that brief look into my writing process.
I say(type?) this alot but, my apologies for the inconsistent postings and thank you for your time.

Things I've neglected to post over the past few months:

- Happy Diabetes Awareness (Halloween)

- Happy Potentially Awkward Dinner Conversations with Native Americans Day (Thanksgiving)

- Merry Papercut Awareness Time (Christmas)

- Anecdotes/stories

- New pieces

- Progress on life's work(s)

One of these days I'll get around to it.

Here's to hoping your transition to 2012 has been goin' well.

For the peeps setting New Year's resolutions beyond "be magical":

Don't dwell from the past and don't ignore it.
Learn from it.

Don't avoid the future or focus entirely on it.

Plan for it.
Most important thing: BE in the present.

That's where the memories/moments happen.
They need to be enjoyed.

Nearly a month since my last post and I still haven't gotten my new pieces up.
Setting up/settling into the new place has been distracting.


This is pretty much a reminder post for myself.
Pieces that need to be brought online:
- I & U
- Peek a Boo
- Tools In Training
- To My First Ex parts 3-14
- Hey! Listen.
- Happy Birthday to You


Since I still have your attention, I'm gonna make a shameless plug for my buddies' podcast.
40s & 20s.
Available on iTunes an' soundcloud under podcasts.
If you've ever wondered what my conversations at a bar w/ my core group of friends would sound like, this would be it.
You'll even get to hear my voice at random.

And Then I Officiate a Wedding

Way back near the beginning of this year, I got to bind two awesome people into a state of non-denominational matrimony in the State of California.
Thanks to previously mentioned, now married & awesomeness defined couple, I'm an ordained minister in the State of California.

I like picking up titles/licenses.

The following are select portions of my non-standard speech:
(Or at least something generally close to it since I haven't had access to my computer for a few months.)

INTRO

Ladies, Gentlemen, and undecided, please be seated.
About four score and seven minutes ago, I found myself wide awake & unhappy with the current speeches I had for their ceremony.
I've known Chad & Shelli for awhile and also because they gave me the honor & privilege of presiding over their marriage I wanted to give them something memorable.
Please excuse me for reading this from my notebook.

MARRIAGE

Marriage is a wonderful thing.
I figure the best way to describe it is via a poem heavily laden in Dr. Seuss influences.

Oh you'll love them when they're fit
You will love them when they're sick
You will love them when they're rich
You will love them in a ditch
You will love through good or bad
You will love when glad or sad
You will have and you will hold
Ten years from now a thousand fold
A love for their whole life.

If there is a common theme for marriage, I'd like to think it's love.
Standing here at ground zero an' seeing the way these two look into each others eyes, I think they're set...

VOWS

I (Chad) take (Shelli) to be my lawfully wedded (wife).
I will take care and cherish our relationship.
I will love you today, tomorrow, & forever.
I take you for my wife, to have and to hold from this day on.
For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health,
To love and to cherish for all the days of my life and until my last breath.

I (Shelli) take you (Chad) to be my lawfully wedded (husband).
Ditto to your vows.
And I promise not to fight over the TV remote because of access to DVR.
For realsies.

CONCLUSION

...By the power invested in me by the State of California, Monastery.org, and The Universal Life Church, I now pronounce you Husband & Wife.

You may now enjoy your first kiss as a married couple.
---------------------

it's good to have a working comp an' be able to post online again.

You'd think that with all of this time I'd be writing and/or editing pieces.

My bad.
Recently I've found myself distracted by my musical side.
Been putting in many hours into ukulele & guitar practice.
The only downside to having learned to play by ear is that it takes me awhile to get back into playing shape.
At least by my standards.
Many chipped nails & sprained fingers in the process.

Sprained?
I also picked up a cajon.
Essentially, it's a wooden percussion box you bang on to produce different sounds.
[insert spousal abuse joke here]

In theory, I'll be a drummer for my other friends that have recently joined me in wanting to hit up open mics.

More content headed your way.
At least by someday before the end of a year.

On a sidenote: I finally got around to updating my profile here.
600+ individual views kinda baffles me.

Breath

You kinda had at me at first breath.
Watching the rise & fall of your chest.
Knowing that whatever was gonna come out of those lips I would find myself biased towards.

You could've let out a burp.
Show me you're down to earth.
And just give me the green light to pig out around you.

You could've said the word "hi"
Or even the word "die"
Either would've sounded like a chorus of angels to my ear.

But damnit all
You had the gall to send out a smile...
Subtle yet sweet.

It's my destiny to be a diabetic that attracted me to that sweetness.

Combined with that coy, over the shoulder glance.
Any poor fool wouldn't have a chance.
And I happen to be a poor fool.

Poor cuz I'm unemployed.
A fool because the only thing I can will myself to do is just grin at you.
Stupidly.

I hope you're into adorkable
Because that's all I can offer.

Breathe in...
Breathe out...

-------------------------------

A poetic quickie.
Rough cut.
If only because I need to be posting more content here on a regular basis.

Was there any particular inspiration?
Nope.

Still in the process of transferring from pad to PC.
Thank you for your patience & time.

Has it been that long since I posted here?
Eventually I'll get around to transferring the words from the pad to the internet.
Kinda distracted by college basketball at the moment.

Props to SDSU.

Ideally, everyone out there that's partying like a leprechaun in the green light district tonight does so in a safe & responsible manner.
I've only been to one funeral this year, I'd prefer to keep it that way.

The Head that Never Was

...no?
.....
.......
WHHYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!
------------------------

You get this little filler while I work on actual pieces inspired on Monday's run.
TIT - Tools In Training
&
Peek-a-boo.
Although I might actually take the time to revisit and add depth to this piece later.

For those that are curious: I went with "To My First Ex" & "Rainbow"
Which can be found in the older posts.
I opted for "Rainbow" because I've never given it a live test run.